FunCorner

There was an Elephant and a Camel standing next to each other.
The Elephant stares for a sec and asks, “Why is your boobs on your back?”

The camel waited for a sec and replied “The same reason your dicks on your face”.

On one fine sunny day out in the Caribbean, Captain Jack was informed by his lookout that there were 3 Pirate ships spotted about 10 miles out. The Captain turned to his First Mate and said, “Go fetch me my red pants.”

The Captain then informed the crew that they were going to fight the Pirates and that this would most likely be a bloody battle.

The crew and the Pirates meet and do battle and the Captain and his crew are victorious with only three dead and fifteen wounded out of his crew of one hundred. As the crew is celebrating with their Captain, the First Mate asks him, “Sir, why did you wear your red pants for that battle?”

The Captain responds, “I wore them so that if I were to get injured in battle, no one would notice and would continue fighting.” The crew is amazed that their Captain is so noble and make a toast for long life to their Captain.

The next day, the lookout informs the Captain that he has spotted over fifty Pirate ships about ten miles out. The Captain turns to his First Mate and calmly says, “Go fetch my brown pants.”

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network more than one hundred years ago.Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed an archaeologist in California dug to a depth of 20 feet. Shortly afterwards headlines in the LA Times read: ‘California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire, and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the New Yorkers.’One week later, theTimes Picayune, a local newspaper in New Orleans, reported the following: ‘After digging as deep as 30 feet in his sugar cane field near Bayou Black, in Houma, LA. Boudreaux, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Boudreaux has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Louisiana had already gone wireless.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he tryto touch them, but he had to try.One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatiothe Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this andsaid that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, butit would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured alittle bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed.Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, ifapplied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that testshad shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote tocure the itch.The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to theirchambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itchingpowder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts.The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied andhailed as a hero.Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding hispayment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’thave cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter tothe King and with a laugh told him to get lost.The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itchingpowder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!

The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination.”

Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?” When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?” “Yes,” said the attendant, “In ; fact, this entire crew is female.” “Man alive,” said Ed, “I’d better have two scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”

That’s another thing sir,” said the attendant, “We no longer call it the cock pit.”

“It’s the Box office.”

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief.. Horatio thought about this and doctor said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!

In a biology class room for fifth grade kids, their teacher put a question - Which body part grows ten times larger when stimulated?

The class was silent as no one could think of the answer. After a few minutes, a little girl stood up in and said, “You should be ridiculous to put such a question to kids like us. I’ll tell my parents about this and they will talk to the principal and he will take care of you”

However, the teacher simple ignored her, looked away and said, “Can any one answer this question?”

The little girl was irked by this behavior and said to her benchmate in a rather loud voice, “The mistress is buying some trouble”

The teacher still ignored her and looked at the class for an answer when a little guy in the class stood up and hesitatingly said, “The pupil of the eye”

The teacher was impressed by the correct answer and appreciated the young kid.

She then looked at the young girl and said, “I have three things to tell you. First of all, you did not read the homework I gave you yesterday. Secondly, you have a dirty mind and lastly, after you grow up, you will be highly disappointed!”

[classroom joke, dirty comedy, sex joke]

One day, Little Johnny was told by his neighboring teenage friend that all adults keep some weird secrets and that adults can be blackmailed by saying the magic phrase, “I know the fact”, though you know nothing about them.

Johnny wanted to try this and so approached his father and said, “I know the fact”. His father was surprised and immediately gave him a $50 bill and asked not to talk to anyone about it. Johnny was amused by the result and went out to spend the money he earned.

The following month, he went to his mom and said, “I know the fact”. His mom was shocked and immediately hands him a $20 bill and asks him to go to his friends place. Johhnny once again spends the money at his will.

The following week, Johnny sees his milk man at the entrance and uses his magic phrase, “I know the fact”

To Johnny’s surprise, the milkman was elated on hearing these words, dropped his milk can, fell on his knees and said, “Great! Come and give your real father a hug!”

[relations joke, johnny comedy]

An artist has put his paintings for exhibition in a popular exhibit for sale. However, he did not get the expected price and so could not sell them. After a few months, he went back to the organizers of the exhibit to find out if the paintings were sold at the price he desired. The organizers told him that they have one good news and another bad news for him.

The organizers said that a few days back a man came to the exhibit and inquired if the value of these paintings will increase after the painter is dead. After learning that paintings value appreciates after the painter is dead, the patron has bought all the paintings for a decent sum.

The bad news is that the person who bought the paintings is your family doctor!

[doctor joke, artist comedy]

There were a group of constructor workers of which one man was well built and toooo strong. He was arrogant and always boasted of his strength and had this habit of insulting his co-workers. One of his co-workers is an old man who was a specific target for this braggart who left no chance to bully the old man.

After quite some time, the old man finally lost his cool and said to the braggart, “Why don’t you keep your mouth shut? Well, if you really believe that you are strong, lets go for a challenge and I’ll bet my one week wages”

The ’strong’ guy was surprised and immediately accepted the challenge and asked what he had to do. The old man said, “I’ll put something in this wheelbarrow and take it to the next building and I challenge that you can not bring it back in the wheelbarrow”

The braggart immediately accepted the challenge. So the old man brought a wheelbarrow, prepared himself for the challenge and said, “Okay! Now come and get in this”

[old man joke, braggart comedy, smart joke]