FunCorner

Two close friends are met with an accident and both of them die on the spot. After a few minutes one of the friends finds himself at the entrance of heaven. As soon as he reached the heaven Lord Indra welcomes him. However this guy is worried about his friend and asks Indra about him.

Indra replies, “You friend has committed a many sins in his life and he was taken to hell”

This guy was quite disturbed on knowing this and pleads Indra to take him to his friend just to see him for the last for which Indra agrees.

Both of them leave to the hell and finds the other guy. In hell, the other guy was found on a seashore with a beer can in his hand and a beautiful blonde by his side.

The first guy was confused and says, “I’m quite happy that my friend is here. But i never thought hell will be so cool”.

Indra replies, “Hell appears to be cool. Actually the beer can in his hand has a hole and the blonde has no hole. That is how hell works”

There was an English class going on in an elite school in an Indian metro. The mistress was teaching ’sentence construction’ based on a word. At the end of the class she asked the class to construct a sentence using the word ‘fascinate’.

Immediately a smart girl in the class stood up and said, “Last summer we went to JogFalls and it was quite fascinating”.

The mistress appreciated the girl but said that she wanted a sentence with the word ‘fascinate’ and not any other form of the word.

So the same girl tried again and this time said, “Yesterday I watched the feats of Elephant in the circus and I was fascinated”

The mistress said that she again went wrong and asked some one else in the class to give it a try.

A boy from the last bench stood up to answer. As this guy was known for crude language the teacher hesitated but she had to let him answer the question.

He said, “My sister has a jacket with ten buttons to it and she has such large boobs that she can only fasten 8 of the ten buttons”.

In an unfortunate accident Mr. Norris was killed and his body was to be cremated. The body was taken to a mortician who started working on it. As the mortician was working on the dead body, he observed that Mr. Norris has an astonishingly large private part which the mortician had never seen before.

He says to himself that such a big private part should not be created and should be stored for the future generations to see and the researchers to work on. So, he removes Mr. Norris’s private part and keeps it in jar. He then continued with his work and  left to his home.

As soon as he reached home, he called his wife and said that he would show something to surprise her. He pulled out the jar and showed the extra-ordinarily large part in the jar.

His wife screamed, “Mr. Norris is dead?”

There was a billionaire who reached Mumbai on some business work. All of a sudden he had to go abroad for an urgent meeting.

So, he left to a bank and met the Manager of the bank. He explained his situation and asked the Bank Manger to lend him Rs. 50000 for a period of one month and promised to return the amount as soon as he returns to India. However, the Bank Manager refused to lend the amount and said that he needs some collateral. The businessman readily agrees to leave his 27 lac rupee Mercedes Benz as a collateral and shows all the relevant documents.

The Manager was pleased and agrees to lend the amount. He laughs to himself for the foolishness of the business man who was leaving a 27 lac worth car for an amount of 50000.

After one month the businessman returns and pays the sum of 50000 rupees plus an amount of Rs. 100 as interest. Then the Manager asks him, “In our enquiry we found that you are a very rich person. Howcome, you din’t have Rs. 50000 with you?”

The businessman replied, ” I couldn’t find any other parking place in Mumbai which will allow me to park for a period of one month for an amount of Rs. 100″

A teacher wanted to sound funny and so she said in the class, “If there is any Indiot in this classroom, please stand up”

The class turned silent and none of the students stood up. After a few minutes a young boy stood up and surprised the entire class.

The teacher was surprised and also slightly offended. She asked him - “Young man! What made you think that you are an idiot when no one else in the class feels so?”

The boy replied - “I know I’m not an Idiot, but I did not like to see you standing all alone. I wanted to accompany you!”

A man who was just back from his hungry ran into a hotel as he was quite hungry. As soon as he entered, he asked the waitress what they had for that day.

She said, “We had ‘Aloo Parota’ as today’s special. But unfortunately the last plate we had was already ordered by this person” and pointed to the person on the next table.

So the man ordered for an ordinary meals and the order was delivered. As the man was having his meals, he observed that the guy on the next table was eating everything on his table except the ‘Aloo Parota’ which he pushed away from the other dishes. The man got curious and asked the guy if he can take the ‘Aloo Parota’

The other guy quite politely replied, “Sure Sir! I do not want that. Please help yourself”

So the man picked up the plate with ‘Aloo Parota’ and as soon as he put the first piece in and lifted the second one, he found a dead lizard in the plate. The man was disgusted on the sight of a lizard in the plate and immediatelyvomited the first piece in his mouth, into the plate.

Now the guy on the next table said, “Ah! So you also vomited it. Even I went just that far!”

There is a restaurant in the hills of China. One day a Panda comes to the restaurant and orders for a beer. The owner of the restaurant was pleased to have a Panda as his customer and delivers the order.

The Panda starts having the beer and then suddenly pulls out a gun hidden beneath his fur. He then shoots one of the bearers in the restaurant and kills him. He then finishes the beer and gets up to leave the bar.

Now the bar owner stops him and freaks out. What the hell did you do? Why did you kill my bearer and now you are trying to leave even without paying for the beer.

The Panda replies, “You don’t seem to know what a Panda means. Just go back and check out”

The owner gets a dictionary to check what a Panda means and this is what he finds..

“A Panda is a white and black mammal that eats shoots and leaves”

A ventriloquist was on his tour through a state and had his show in a small town one night. There was huge response to the show and the ventriloquist started his show. With his dummy on his knee the guy started talking to it in a humorous way. Most of his jokes were ‘blonde jokes’ ridiculing the blondes.

All of a sudden a blonde lady from the audience stood up and freaked out. She started shouting at the ventriloquist -

“Why the hell do you guys keep telling us these dumb blonde jokes. I want to know in what way do you link the intelligence of a person to the color of her hair. It is because of these dumb jokes that women are still being considered dumb and not respected equally with men. You are not just discriminating the blondes but all the women just for the sake of protecting your male dominance. You are suppressing us from exhibiting our full potential with these kind of shows”

As she was continuing, the ventriloquist was really moved and started feeling sorry for the kind of jokes he had been telling. He thought he should apologize and said “Mam..”

The blonde said “Gentle Man! You please stay out of this. I’m talking to that guy sitting on your lap. Let him say what he has to say!”

A man was gifted a parrot by his friend. However, very soon the man realized that the parrot has a very unpolished behavior and that its vocabulary is filled with fowl words. The parrot continued showing this attitude even in the presence of guests which irritated the man.

So, he decided to teach the parrot good behavior and started teaching it good words and the importance of being soft spoken. He consistently persuaded the parrot not to use any kind of fowl language. However, the parrot continued with its attitude. So he man freaked out and started shouting at the parrot and the parrot in turn got more rude and angrier.

Finally the man was fed up with the behavior of the parrot and wanted to punish the parrot. So, he picked the parrot and placed it in the freezer in his refrigerator. The parrot was totally pissed off by this act and started shouting and scolding the man from the freezer. All of a sudden the parrot became silent and stopped shouting. The man quickly opened the freezer, fearing that he might have killed the parrot.

As soon as the door was opened, the parrot jumped on to the man’s shoulder and said, “I understand that I had been very rude to you all these days and I sincerely apologize for my behavior. I’ll do what ever I can do, to change my attitude and I’ll definitely please you within a few days”

The man was surprised by this sudden change in the behavior of the parrot and tried to ask what caused this sudden change as the parrot continued, “What did the turkey there in the freezer do?”

An extremely beautiful girl went to see a doctor. The doctor was totally mesmerized by her beauty and decided to take advantage of his profession to have fun with the girl.

As soon as she entered his chamber, he asked the girl to take off her pants and then started rubbing her thighs. The girl did not object which surprised the doctor. He asked her, “Do you what I’m doing’ and got an innocent answer from the girl, “You are checking for abnormalities in my thighs’.

The doctor was quite happy with this answer and then asked her to take off her shirt and the bra. He then started caressing her breast and asked her, “What am I doing now?”. She replied, “You are checking for symptoms of breast cancer”.

He then asked her to take off panties and started making love. He again asked her “What am I doing now?”.

She replied, “You are getting AIDS and herpies!”